~ Copyright^© ~ Angelfam aka Lynda ~

I still remember that day very clearly ... I got up ... got dressed and went to work ... as usual ... I heard on the radio ... on the way to work ... that a plane hit the World Trade Tower ... but didnt think too much about it ... crazy things happen all the time in our world ... when I got to the office ... I began to check my to-do list and get buzy going about my day ... and then ... I began to hear people in the outside hallway ... and the radio blasting from the office next door ... so I went to see what was going on ... and to ask them to turn it down ... and that is when I found out that another plane ... had hit the other tower

~ America Cries ~
~ Copyright^© 2001 ~ Dennis Waldron ~ Guy Parneix ~

I went back to my office and turned my radio on ... found the station they were listening to ... I remember telling my boss that we were under terrorist attack ... and then just being glued to every word coming from the radio ... I couldnt work ... I couldnt concentrate ... it was so surreal ... I wept ... uncontrollably ... all I wanted at that moment was to hear my husband ... of 6 months ... voice ... I called and left a message ... “pleaz call ... I need to hear your voice” ... he called back ... I told him that I was leaving work early ... I told him I loved him ... he said he loved me too ... I called my boys ... from my car phone ... I just had to know they were alright ... I had to let them know I was thinking of them and that I loved them ... I needed to feel that connection

I went home and turned on the TV ... wave after wave of those horrifying scenes played out before me ... and the full weight of the situation really began to hit me ... like a ton of bricks ... Brian came home to check on me ... he is always there when I really need him ... we held each other close ... for a long time ... then he went back to work with assurances from me that I was ok ... I was convincing ... but I wasnt very convinced ... I wondered if I ever would be ok again ...I wondered if anything would ever be ok again

~ Never Forget ~ Ice Sculpture ~
~ Copyright^© 2002 ~ Darlene Racicot ~

Time passed ... we celebrated Thanksgiving ... and the next week ... I woke up feeling ill ... I started having attacks of dizziness and missed the first two days back to work ... I went to my doctor about it and he prescribed Zoloft ... which is an anti-depressant ... feeling that my dizziness was due to depression ... which I did suffer from ... but I wasnt convinced the two were related ... later that day ... I felt fine ... and went back to work the next morning ... and was fine the rest of the week

That weekend ... however ... it started all over again ... I missed a few more days of work ... I was feeling a lot of anxiety about all the time I was missing ... I called my doctor again ... and he asked me if I thought I was having panic attacks ... I was thinking to myself ... what an idiot ... your the damn doctor ... you tell me ... LOL ... then ... on Wednesday ... December 5th ... I was awoken about 6:30 in the morning ... in what was undeniably a full-fledged panic attack ... I was shaking ... my heart was racing and pounding ... my chest was tight and I was having trouble breathing ... I couldnt even comprehend the thoughts in my own head ... I was terrified ... I thought I was dying ... I called my doctors office ... he wasnt in yet ... neither was his nurse ... I was at the mercy of a very sympathic switchboard operator ... I was crying hysterically... and ... I was all alone ... since Brian had already left for work ... she did her best to calm me and assured me she would have the nurse call me as soon as she came in ... Anna did call me back and scheduled a time for me to come in later that afternoon ... I was afraid I wouldnt be able to drive ... I was that shaken

Then I had to call my boss and tell her what was happening ... and that again I wasnt going to be able to make it in ... she asked that I try and come in after my appointment to do just a couple of things that really needed to be done ... I told her I would try ... I did managed to get in ... but ended up having another panic attack almost as soon as I got there ... I laid down on the conference room floor... she just walked around me ... never asking if I was ok or if she could help ... it was just another bizarre episode in a series of bizarre episodes ... she left to go to lunch and strangely ... I instantly felt better ... I left and went back home

My boss was totally freaking out ... she called me constantly pressuring me to get better ... like I was in total control of the situation ... she wanted minute by minute reports ... she was diagnosing me ... even tho shes not a psychiatrist ... oh ... but she was once a school psychologist ... so I guess that qualified her to give out mental health advice ... she gave me names and phone numbers of people that could give me a quick fix ... so I could get back to work ... and practically ordered me to go see them ... trying to control my personal life just like she controlled my work life ... I made an offer to try to come in that nite to get caught up ... to see if maybe coming in at nite when the office was closed and the phone wouldnt be ringing off the hook ... and between you and me ... while she wasnt there ... could work ... but she wasnt very impressed with that idea

Brian and I sat down that nite and had a long talk ... I told him I felt like I would die if I had to go back there ... he didnt know everything that had been going on ... and was ... naturally ... very concerned ... and ... fortunately ... very understanding and said for me to do whatever I needed to do ... the next morning ... I left a message for my boss that I didnt know what I was gonna do ... I had decisions to make and needed to find help ... and her calling me all the time wasnt doing anything but causing me more stress ... that I deserved more respect from her than that ... the phone calls stopped

Then I did some calling around and found a therapist I felt I could work with ... and one that accepted our insurance ... ACK ... luckily ... I was able to schedule an appointment for the following Monday ... it was suggested that I ask my doctor for a medical excuse in order to legitimately have some time off until I could figure out what the hell was going on ... he wrote one for two weeks ... Brian took it by the office and gave it to my boss on Tuesday ... I called her that afternoon ... at her request ... and gave her an update ... that I had found a therapist I felt could help and so far I was being diagnosed with long-term ... untreated ... chronic ... depression ... topped with panic and anxiety disorder ... she started talking about my not knowing if I was gonna come back or not ... and that she had to do what she had to do ... and that she would pay me for 28 hours a week for the entire month of December if I would agree to come back in January and train my replacement ... I took her offer ... and ... at first ...was relieved ... but then reality began to take hold ... I was being let go ... after 12 ˝ years of loyal and dedicated service ... I was being let go ... because I was ill ... and ... under doctors care ... wtf ... I felt very taken advantage of ... afterall ... I really wasnt in any condition to have made any decisions ... and it was a pretty shitty thing to do ... however ... as it turns out ... it was the best thing that could have happened ... oh ... and that panic attack I had in the office that day ... has so far ... been the last one

Well now ... I have probably left you wondering what all this had to do with 911 ... but the truth is that my story is not all that unique ... lots of people suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome after the 911 attacks ... lots of people lost their jobs due to cut backs ... my situation was a combination of all that ... sort of ... actually 911 triggered an unescapable and undeniable thought in my mind ... if the world was coming to an end ... I wasnt about to go out still working for HER ... our working relationship had become so bad it was barely tolerable as it was ... so my brain said ... fine ... I have tried to tell you for years to leave ... but you havent listened ... so now I am gonna give you a big ... swift kick up the butt and you wont be able to ignore me anymore ... thus the panic attacks ... the mind is a very powerful organ ... and the economic situation left her fearful that she would have to give up the lifestyle she had grown very accustomed to ... so she figured she could save some money by letting me go

I applied for unemployment in January ... kept my word and trained my replacement ... actually I ended up training my replacements' replacement too ... she is currently on my 3rd replacement ... the last one left because she was going to be let go ... it just wasnt working out ... pleaz ... funny how it coincided at the same time she was gonna have to add her to the group insurance policy ... which by the way ... she didnt get until after Brian and I were married and he added me to his insurance ... I worked for her for 12 1/2 years with NO insurance whatsoever ... which if I had had medical ... perhaps none of this would have had to happen

Anyway ... in the meantime ... I worked part-time for a CPA from February thru mid April ... which was good experience and gave me something to do while I continued looking for full-time work ... then ... just when I thought things were not looking so good anymore ... I was accepted into a program that pays for me to go back to school ... so in May ... I began taking classes toward a degree in Information Systems Technology specializing in Computer Applications at our local community college ... and I am very excited about this new direction my life is going in

Speaking of which ... I cant say I know where my future is headed ... but I find that I dont worry about it as much as I used to ... I feel I am taking positive steps in the right direction ... and I am learning to trust in the LORD more and more each day ... whenever I feel anxious or embarrassed about losing my job ... not having a job ... or if I will ever get another job ... I throw the ball back in his court and say ... ok ... I know that you will lead me down the right path ... so talk to me ... I am listening ... l feel as tho a window shut and a door was opened ... I am more relaxed and content with my life than I have ever been ... I am confident that everything will be ok ... and I am sooo much more happier than I was less than a year ... I am still taking my meds ... religiously ... and I now know that I will have to for the rest of my life ... but the alternative is not an option

So in the aftermath of all the horror ... life does go on ... I am still saddened ... I suspect I always will be ... and I still pray for those families that lost their loved ones ... I pray they can find peace and their own happiness ... but ... I just wanted to let you know that ... sometimes ... tragedies can have happy endings ... if you believe in blessings in disguise and that some things are just meant to be and not for us to question ... not that I would ever make light of any of this ... but this is my story ... its the only one I have to tell

~ FDNY Spirit at Ground Zero ~
~ Copyright^© ~ Thomas Franklin ~

~ Artwork by Danny Hahlbohm ~

~ Graphic Artist ~ Unknown ~

Over three hundred dogs came from all over the world to help in the World Trade Center disaster. They worked to exhaustion, suffering from stress, dehydration, burns, badly irritated eyes with no more pay than a pat on the head, a loving word, and a dog biscuit. It's ironic that in this age of infrared and heat-seeking technology we rely on our oldest domesticated animal to do the dirty work of digging through rubble searching for living victims (search and rescue dogs) and bodies (cadaver dogs). Their sense of smell is the main reason we give dogs this unpleasant task. The scent organ inside a dog's nose is about four times as large as a human's. Does this mean that dogs can smell four times better than we can? Emphatically no! They can smell at least a 100 times better than we can. A dog can catch a scent through a solid concrete wall, and a cadaver dog can scent and find something as small as a human fingernail in 10,000 square feet of rubble. Search and rescue and cadaver dogs are relentless, hard even on their handlers. One dog dragged himself into the veterinary tent at Ground Zero after a long shift, dirty, tired, and hungry, but after a little rest and treatment of minor wounds the dog literally dragged his handler back to the pit for more work. Rick Robertson drove to New York from California with his one-year old Australian shepherd, named Porkchop, to offer the dog's services. Unfortunately, he found no live victims but found so many bodies that his handler "lost count". When Porkshop sensed human remains he signaled his handler with either three barks or a gesture that resembled a sneeze. He did get some time off now and then, which he used to crack acorns and eat ants. One night a 11:00 pm, a dog and her owner showed up at the veterinarian aid tent. Cara, a two-year old Beauceron herding dog, had crawled through a 40 foot tunnel with a video camera strapped on her. She was a bit dehydrated and needed salve for her eyes, and after receiving the aid, she went back to work. After all, her shift wasn't over. One morning Cholo, a German shepherd came in to be checked. Whether it's anthropomorphism or not (and I don't think it is), Cholo seemed very depressed. He was a search and rescue dog, not a cadaver dog, and he hadn't found one person. In several similar cases the dogs handlers would play hide and seek with the dog for a bit, letting the dog find somebody alive. It seemed to work. One of the most poignant vignettes occurred after a dog had just discovered the remains of five bodies. As a group stood around and watched, the dog went back into the hole and came out with a teddy bear. Courage is defined not as the absence of fear but as doing what you have to do in spite of it. Dogs have courage in spades.

~ Tribute in Light ~
~ Copyright^© ~ Clifton A. Bazar ~

I hesitated including this next poem ... since it will probably anger a lot of people ... but realized that if I felt so strongly about writing it ... I should put it in ... it is not meant to insult or upset ... it is just my way of getting my anger and frustration out ... so pleaz accept my apologies in advance

This candle was lit on the 11th of September, 2001

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle, it gains a greater brilliance."  

 

I must admit that I am not very happy with the way this page turned out ... I felt frustrated and anxious while creating it ... and ... almost gave up on it ... but felt compelled to continue to struggle thru it ... so pleaz ... take it for what it is ... a memorial to those lost souls ... a tribute to those brave souls left behind ... its my small ... insignificant contribution ... if you would like to see what I believe are the most poignant 911 tributes I have seen on the web ... pleaz click on the flags below ...

You will need MS PowerPoint in order to view the last one

The flags are representative of the United States of America ... the country I love ... the State of Virginia ... where I live ... and the countries of my ancestors ... Czechoslovakia ... Poland and Germany ...

 

               

 

but be warned ...

the first three sites are pretty intense

and should be viewed with that in mind

 

 

 

     

 

 

Copyright^© 2002-2004 ~ Taz Marie ~ All rights reserved.

The information on this page may not be reproduced, republished, or mirrored on another webpage or website.

~ latest and final revision dated September 11, 2002 ~

 

 

This American Tragedy Site owned by Taz Marie [ Prev | Skip Prev | Prev 5 | List | Stats Join | Rand | Next 5 | Skip Next | Next] Powered by RingSurf!

 

 

midi "My Sweet Love" used with permission
copyright ^© Bruce DeBoer