~ what can you say ~

about the woman who labored and birthed you ... who gave you life ... only to have hers cut short ... who was your whole world ... the only person ... up until her death ... that you felt ever truly knew you ... and loved you ... your sister ... your strength and your pride ...

~ well she was sure no saint ~

quite the contrary ... the little 5' nothing ... 98 lbs ... dripping wet ... woman ... could be the devil incarnate ... she had one hell of a temper ... and ... you knew to duck or run like hell ... when she raised her right eyebrow and gave you that look ... but ... she also had a heart of pure gold ...

~ and I miss her terribly ~

she was born March 21, 1928 in Berwyn, Illinois to Joseph and Clara ... I dont know much about her childhood except that she didnt have a great relationship with her parents ... her mother died young ... mom was only 18 ... and ... sometime afterward ... her father moved to Scottsdale, Arizona where he remarried ... he died when I was about seven or eight ... I never met either of them ...

~ and she loved her Gramps ~

when she was in her twenties ... she married a man she said would have made a great father ... but ... unfortunately ... he turned out to be a pathological liar ... so the marriage ... obviously ... ended ... then ... as I already mentioned in "The Inner Child" ... she married my father ... they actually grew up together ... lived in the same neighborhood ... and ... her mother always wanted them to get married ...

~ guess she got her wish ~


~ Mom and Dad with his parents ~

my brother and sister were also born in Berwyn ... but ... at some point in time ... they moved to Lake Genevia, Wisconsin and then to Delevan ... where I was born ... we always had a very close relationship ... I just loved being around her ... I remember banging on pots and pans in the kitchen while she was buzy cooking or cleaning ...

~ I was her little shadow ~


~ Mom ... David ... Karen and Me ~

she suffered a lot of loss in her life ... her only sibling ... her younger sister ... Joyce ... who obviously had problems that werent dealt with ... one day ... she placed her baby girl ... Laura ... in the tub ... and drown her ... she spent some time in a psych ward and stood trial ... I am not sure for how long ... then ... she and her husband had two more children ... one day my mom and dad received a call from her ... she had her other children in the tub ... fortunately ... they got there in time ... from what I was told ... she started acting very strangely after giving birth to their first child ... and that on one occasion ... she was found running through the neighborhood ... stark ... naked ... nude ...

~ any of this sound familiar ~

some time later ... my aunt was found dead in that same tub ... she committed suicide by dropping a radio in the water with her ... and ... to this day ... I believe she felt it was the only way to save her other children ... it was the ultimate gift of love ... I remember the viewing ... seeing my aunt laying there ... a beautiful ... sheer cover over her ...

~ she looked like a sleeping angel ~

and ... there was more sadness ... after I was born ... the doctor told my mom they needed to "make the hole bigger" ... apparently ... he had a pretty sick sense of humor ... mom didnt have a clue what he meant ... I'm still unsure exactly what happened ... but it turned out that she was supposed to have had a hysterectomy after I was born ... however ... almost three years passed ... and ... she became pregnant again ...

my baby brother ... Jody Gregory ...



~ was two months early ... he lived 25 hours ~

we moved to Virginia ... and I started school ... I will always remember coming home to the house smelling like Pine Sol ... to this day it stirs up memories of her whenever I smell it ... she was such a clean freak ... lol ... I mean to the point of ironing towels and underwear ... I kid you not ... but that was also when I began to become aware of the turbulent situation in the household between her and my father ... to this day I dont know what they argued about or why they were so miserable together ... my best guess is there was a lot of resentment from the beginning ... and any love they ever had for each other ... or any love they could have ever had for each other ... never had a chance ...

~ and it was a damn shame ~

after she left my dad ... she had a lot of trouble dealing with men ... and me ... they used her ... and I abused her ... not physically ... but lets just say I wasnt exactly a model teenager ... we really had a rough time of it for a while ... but the love never went away ... she finally met a man who appeared to be the answer to all her prayers ... her dream come to life ... NOT ... he used her and threw her away ... lied to her and left her ... he broke her heart into a million pieces ... never to be put back together again ... now I dont usually feel this way ... but ...

~ may he rot in hell ~

I began dating during all this ... if you can call it that ... actually ... I lost my virginity and began having sex ... but that wasnt the whole of it ... living in a low-income housing project ... which was predominantly black ... or african-american ... or people of color ... for those of you who prefer I be politically correct ... ugh ... anyway ... my taste in men was ... a little darker than most people preferred ... not that I gave a damn ... and for the record ... I still dont ... but it became a whole 'nother issue when I began pregnant ... to put it politely ... sides of my family's personality came out ... that I never knew existed ... my mom ... her usual honest self ... simply said ... she didnt know how she was gonna feel ... but once Eric Paul was born into this world ...

~ she was filled with nothing but love and pride ~


~ Proud Grandma ~

they had a bond that is unexplainable ... more like mother and son ... than grandmother and grandson ... she poured all her love out to him ... Eric Paul and his cousin ... Brandy ... were definitely her favorites ... and everyone knew it ... when he became a little older ... they shared many special times together ... for instance ... he used to go to grandma's for candlelit peanut butter and jelly sandwich dinners ...

~ he loved his grandma ~


~ Mom and Eric Paul ~

she had a wacky sense of humor ... despite the heartache in her life ... she would do the goofiest things ... she loved to sing ... and sometimes she would goof around and sing the opera ... Figaro ... she had a great voice and sung harmony beautifully ... but ... she was no opera singer ... we would be driving down the road and just singing crazy songs like that ... at the top of our lungs ... she would roll around on the ground with the grand kids ... tell funny stories ... speak with a foreign accent ... have popcorn and movie nites ... ride the grand kids bikes ... dance the jitterbug ... in public ... and just act like a total and complete idiot ...

~ but she didnt care ... and neither did I ~


~ Mom and Me on Halloween ~


~ Trick or Treat ~


~ Mom ... Brandy ... Eric Paul and Robbie ~


~ Ganging up on Grandma ~

we used to sing in our church choir ... mom was the oldest ... everyone loved her ... and ... she loved them ... she was mom to all of them ... we used to pile into our living room and have pizza or lasagna and just talk or sing ... laugh or cry ... and ... mom loved to write ... she wrote stories and poetry ... once ... she wrote a song ... which we sang in church ...

Answer my prayer Lord
Hear my plea
You beside me is all I need
If you leave me lost I'll be
Answer my prayer Lord
Hear my plea
If I forsake you draw me near
To be without you is all I fear
Teach me to love as you love me
Help me to be who I'm meant to be

we had a lot of good times ... and ... a lot of bad times ... I love remembering the good ... but ... one must also remember the bad in order to learn the lessons of life ... there are many things to look back on and smile about ... when I think of mom ...

~ I smile a lot ~

but ... it wasnt always like that ... there was a time when all I could do was cry ... and ask GOD ... why ... but now I know that she is still with me ... probably not as often as I would like ... she knows I am a strong woman ... and ... there are others who need her more ... but I know she is there when I really need her ... and I know she has been there for all my special events ... like graduating from college ... the birth of my grandchildren ... and ... my wedding day ... even tho life is not the same ... since she went away ... cuz ... life could never be the same after you lose someone that special ... I go on ... taking comfort that she is always near ... and ... one day ...

~ I will see her again ~


~ Lorraine Mary ~
~ March 21, 1928 ~ January 17, 1988 ~



~ I love you Mom ~
Kim Marie